Introducing ‘Dial-Toning,’ the Most Awkward Dating Trend Yet
· Vice
You’ve heard of ghosting—perhaps one of the most popular yet ruthless dating trends to exist. But what about dial-toning? This dating behavior is similar in nature to ghosting, though some important context separates the two.
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Let’s get into it.
What Is Dial-Toning?
Dial-toning is a dating trend that involves sharing your phone number or contact information with someone, then completely ignoring their attempts to communicate.
“Dial-toning is when someone gives out their number, but they’re not actually interested in pursuing a connection,” says Julie Nguyen, a certified dating coach at Hily Dating App. “They might give it out to be nice or because they feel pressured, but there isn’t a desire to follow through.”
Why People Engage in Dial-Toning
Many people engage in dial-toning because of sheer awkwardness, guilt, or even discomfort with confrontation. For example, someone might feel cornered at a bar and pressured to give their number simply out of fear.
“I think the number one reason people do this is probably [that] they feel ‘bad’ in the moment so they give over their contact information but then after don’t actually feel anything or want anything so they don’t respond,” says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.
“Some people engage in this behavior because they don’t feel comfortable drawing a boundary, and they don’t want to reject someone to their face,” Nguyen adds. “If so, they’ll do ‘dial-toning,’ so they don’t have to provide an explanation and hope that, by not responding, the person will understand they’re not interested.”
Many people consciously dial-tone without intending to ever respond. However, others might have initially believed they’d respond, but changed their minds once presented with the opportunity. For example, maybe they woke up hungover the next morning and realized they actually weren’t interested in the person from last night after all. Since there was no prior established connection, they figure, “No harm, no foul.”
“Some people may also be really busy with their own lives,” Nguyen adds. “Now, it’s becoming common to see getting back to people as admin because we are so engaged, so they may not have the energy to respond, which can lead them to dial-tone unintentionally.”
Dial-Toning vs. Ghosting
Unlike ghosting, dial-toning typically occurs between two individuals with no previous connection or relational foundation. Ghosting, on the other hand, happens when there’s already an established connection, but one person suddenly disappears from the other’s life.
“The difference between these two trends is that ghosting is when there is some type of ‘relationship’ in play,” Trombetti further explains. “That could mean just going on a date or two, but dial-toning is more so when you meet someone for the first time and just gave out your contact info.”
According to Trombetti, ghosting is typically much more serious than dial-toning, which can be harmless.
“Think of [dial-toning] as more so when you give out your number at a bar and then decide not to answer the person after,” Trombetti adds.
I think we’ve all been there.
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